As the weeks passed, a lot happened. I developed blood clots that spread from my legs, to my lungs, and even one to my brain. I spent weeks in the hospital but at least I was in the same hospital as Andy. (you can read the daily journal updates on my health and Andy's condition throughout this time period here) Things were looking up once I got discharged and Andy was approaching the 32 week mark. At this point, her chances of survival grew stronger, reaching a staggering 95% by the 32nd week. It seemed like the worst was behind us, until that fateful call shattered our world.
In an instant, a late night call changed everything.
The nurse asked “how far are you and your husband from the NICU? Andy is declining rapidly and you need to be here” We raced to the NICU, my heart pounding, my voice screaming prayers of protection and pleading the blood of Jesus over our fragile daughter. As we arrived, a sea of doctors and nurses swarmed her room, fighting tirelessly to keep her with us. We watched in a heart-wrenching mix of radical hope and despair as medical professionals performed chest compressions on our fragile, two-pound angel. It is a sight that will forever be etched in my memory.
In the depths of my soul, I held onto a steadfast belief that God would perform a miracle and save my baby.
I believed with every ounce of me that He would show the world His boundless power through our Andy. After that phone call, I did not stop praying and claiming all of God's promises for a single second until the painful reality was laid bare before us – after 45 agonizing minutes, the doctor told us the vitals we saw on Andy's monitor were but electrical impulses, not the heartbeat of our girl.
The pain was indescribable and darkness consumed me. Yet, through the depths of grief, my faith deepened and matured.
Feelings and The Truth oftentimes don’t align. While I believed I had already grasped this truth, the loss of Andy forced me to understand this on the deepest level possible. I learned to trust in His truth even when everything I'm experiencing in the world is the exact opposite. Andy's story, our story, and our testimony had touched hearts and souls far beyond our own. Andy’s life has so much purpose.
